Yuku free message boards

Okay, this is really long. Highwaygirl told me to post it anyway, so here it is, my dear friend Todd's BB Finale Extravaganza:


Yes, it's long, so read it in sections.... print it and take it to the restroom if you have to. In this post I cover every moment of my experience, including a lot of my personal feelings that were going on. It was quite a day, and I'm a feel-y kinda guy, so bear with me as I explore just what the frick was going on with me as I navigated my way through the whole BB experience.


Just after 7:00am, Monday morning. My incredibly wonderful and super considerate long-time friend and former housemate Karen calls me to say that Big Brother had just emailed her back that very morning telling her that she and a guest had just been made eligible to be in the Big Brother audience. And um... do I want to go with her? Huh? What? We've got real live tickets to the Big Brother Finale? HUH? I think in that moment I may have swallowed my own tongue.

I just couldn't believe it! We both were so excited, I must have called Karen five times on Monday just to laugh excitedly and freak out with her. I wanted to make sure that Big Brother hadn't cancelled on us and this was all just some kind of cruel joke. I couldn't imagine getting to meet any of the houseguests, let alone all of them, it just wasn't real to me. "We're really going to the finale?" "We're really going. We're really going."

Later that day the sky falls in. Karen calls me late on Monday to tell me that she has a court case in San Jose on Tuesday morning but assures me that she will be able to make a flight into Burbank airport with plenty of time to spare before the show. I figured anytime you have tickets to the Big Brother Finale it should be considered an automatic sick day. Isn't that the rule? Half a sick day at least! But Karen thought it would all work out so Monday night off to San Jose she went.

Tuesday Morning. I went into work but knew that there was no doubt that I was leaving at noon no matter what. At 11:30 I left and did a number of frantic errands that had to be accomplished before I could go. The bank, the hospital, a stop for posterboard and markers, fill up the gas tank and home I run. During my frenzied mission Karen calls me from San Jose. She's still in court and the judge isn't letting anyone leave early today. There is no way that she will make the flight that is going to get her back to Los Angeles in time. She tells me of course that I should still go, and there won't be any trouble because they do have my name on their list. I really want her to go, but of course I am also absolutely willing to go without her. However when I realized that I would be going solo for sure my nervousness of the day began to blossom right then and there.

I gotta admit I was pretty excited. I was bouncing off the walls trying to figure out what I was going to wear. I finally decided on the pullover blue shirt with the long red sleeves. Hopefully that would stand out in some way. In the hour before leaving, all kinds of scenarios were going through my head. Would I even get in to see the show? If so, would I get on camera? Would I be lucky enough to sneak into the after-party? Would Kaysar be taking me home at the end of the evening to wine and dine me and make me his own personal U.N. peacekeeping love slave? I mean who knew how the evening would turn out?

I attempted to make a sign with my posterboard that said "You played SWELL, Janelle", but my posterboard penmanship was so poor I instantly began to question whether or not I would even carry it in. Deciding to spend my time grooming over making my sign pretty, I began to get ready to go.

My plan was to leave at 2:45pm to make sure I'm pulling in that parking lot by 3:30pm. The directions say ARRIVE PROMPTLY at 4:00pm, so I figure thirty minutes early should have me in line with plenty of time to spare. I leave the house at 2:50pm (nearly) and drive a traffic-less freeway arriving at Gate A of the CBS Studios at precisely 3:12pm. I'm early. I pull up to the security guard who gruffly asks me where I'm going. "Big Brother Finale" I say. The guard stands up straight and says "No, come back at four." I look at him with eyes that are just begging him to let me park the car. But instead of melting him, the guard coldly says "do a u-turn, leave the lot, and come back at four". Arrrrghness. OK, ok, ok... I'm not one to argue. I have no choice but to leave the parking lot and drive about two blocks to sit in my car for a little over a half an hour. It was the longest thirty seven minutes of my life. I pulled the key from the ignition entirely just so that I wouldn't have to watch the digital clock in my car tick away in the slowest slow motion you could ever imagine. I mean, I think I could have read Jack Handy's entire Big Thick Novel in the time that it took for the world to get from 3:25pm to 3:27pm. I called my friend Jonathan (who was at work himself) to scream and giggle about my impending BB experience. I was so rockin' nervous! What if I didn't get in? I admitted that at this point I would be so let down if I didn't get in. "I just want to see Janelle, I just want to see Janelle!"... "If I could just lock eyes with Kaysar for even one second, it will all be worth it."... "I'm practicing the dirty looks I'm going to give Jennifer right now in the mirror."... "OMG, I looooooved Sarah's 'bye bye bitches' shirt, I hope I can tell her that!"... "I can't believe that just one week ago we were jumping up and down in my living room when Janelle won HOH and in about two hours I'll be seeing her". We went on and on, Jonathan telling me that he didn't care who won, Maggie or Ivette since Janelle was now out, and that he was only going to watch to see if he could see me. Finally I said that I wouldn't keep him on the phone anymore because I knew he was at work, however it was just so hard to stop talking to him about it. I was so motor-mouth nervous, and why I had to wait until four I just didn't know!

I hung up and another grueling minute took an hour to pass.

Finally, at 3:44pm I decide to drive back over to the gate. I did however spend the first ten seconds of 3:44 tricking myself into thinking that I was going to wait until a quarter to four. Uh-uh. It wasn't going to happen.

So I drive back to the gate and I see that there really isn't a line of cars to get in, and there is the same security guard standing there, so since it was still shy of 3:50pm I pass up the gate and drive around the block one more time. I don't want to be sent away again.

I come back and pull in and yes they have my name and yes they are letting me in. Hooray, so far so good. I pull into the parking structure only to see that it's a madhouse. No parking ANYWHERE and a line of cars searching for spaces. As I round the first turn of the parking structure I see the line of people who are checking into Big Brother security growing and growing. I'm thinking it wasn't even four yet, how did all those people get in? After rounding the parking structure about a billion times I end up on the sixth floor of the concrete monster as I see that someone in front of me is about to pull out of their parking space. SCORE!

I get out of my car and head down metal stairs straight to the line. There are TONS of people ahead of me, and a bunch of others who have already been processed and are waiting behind the airport-style security gates. I see that everyone is getting some kind of wristband as they are being processed. As I get to the end of the line I go ahead and let a pretty teenaged girl and her young mother get ahead of me. I'm seeing about fifty or sixty people ahead of me, and I am scared to death that I'm not going to get in. Plus, I'm alone, and they make you leave your cell phone in the car, so in other words I had no one there to worry with. I had no choice but to wait in line and do my best to play it cool.

I'm in line no more than five minutes when I see from around the corner Erika (BB4), Jack (BB4), and Will (BB5) all coming up to the counter together. Of course none of them have to wait in any line and they get their special light-blue wristbands and are quickly whisked off to the studio without going through the metal detectors or waiting with us commoners. Certainly to be expected! The funny thing is is that when earlier in the day when I was thinking about seeing former houseguests the first one I thought of was Erika, why I don't know, but it's true... and there she was, the first one that I saw.

After about 20-25 minutes I'm finally standing in the front of the line to be processed. Behind me there are perhaps twelve, maybe fifteen people. I'm so happy that the others who are already behind the security gates haven't been taken over to the studio yet. Standing at the counter, they ask me my name and I show my I.D.. Then the guy asks, "Are you Housecalls?" I say "uh, I dunno". He scans his lists of names. "Yes, you're on our Housecalls list, here take a number." He then hands me a laminated card with a number on it. I don't even really look at it as I say, "soooo, I don't need a wristband?" "No, you're Housecalls, that card IS your wristband." I walk away a little hesitant. "Ohhhhkayyy..." As I walk away I look at the number on my card. I'm number 23.

I go through the metal detector and join the others who are waiting to be taken to the studio. I would guess that there were maybe a hundred of us, maybe 120, I don't know exactly but there were alot of us. Most people had either a dark-blue or green wristband around their wrist, while less than a quarter of us (myself included) had the laminated numbered card.

After another fifteen minutes they announced what was going to happen. "Everyone with either a blue or green wristband we will be taking you to the studio in about ten or fifteen minutes. If you have a laminated card here's how it's going to work. After all the wristband people and all the VIP's have gotten a seat in the studio we will come back say 'the first eighteen of you' or 'the first twelve' or however many people we still need and if your number is amongst those called then you get in." Then he goes onto say, "having a card is not a guarentee that you will get in tonight." Oh, peachy. I'm number 23.

TWENTY FREAKN THREE, and I know my chances are not super great that I will get in. I move from the middle of the crowd and lean up against the fence near the grass. I try to act cool like the number twenty three thing couldn't possibly be bothering me. It's during this that some kid (who must have been in his mid-twenties) kept eyeing and eyeing me. He smiled at me all sheepishly, all the while pretending his conversation was solely for his two friends. I'd catch his eyes on me and when I looked back they would dart away, definitely a classic flirtation move. We never spoke, only smiled, but it was nice to silently flirt away my nervousness (about perhaps not getting in) for a good ten minutes. Something else to think about. However when at 5:00pm they came and called for the wristband people to leave that boy took a walk so fast you'd a thought he was leaving a wild fire. (I guess that wild fire would be me.) He was so excited that he never looked back once.

So the wristband people are gone now and I'm standing with 27 other people all sweating it while clasping their laminated cards tightly in their clammy nervous hands. Yes, the numbers only went to 28 and here I am holding 23. My heart is sinking, but I say a little prayer that we all get in and I wait. And we wait and we wait, we wait for a long time. It's about 5:15 and all of the wristband people are now well inside. We are told that there are a certain number of seats that Big Brother saves for former houseguests of past seasons, but most often they all don't show up. Plus sometimes family members who are expected don't show up. They have to save their seats until the final minutes and when they are sure that all the VIP's have arrived then however many seats are left are then ours.

Twenty freakn three. That dang security guard at 3:12pm sure did F me up! That sucks!

While we wait we see the production assistants counting us like four times, even though we are all holding onto numbered cards and the highest one is clearly 28. I did think the counting was a good sign though. At just after 5:25pm the assistant walks up to us and says to the entire group, "OK guys, come with me!" The group does a general cheer and follows the gentleman over to the studio. I hear people saying "See, I told you we'd get in" and there's general happiness all around. What our euphoria didn't let us realize in that particular moment was that we weren't inside yet.

As we walk through the studio lot past the bungalows I see in the distance the green covered chain link wall from the BB backyard that told me in an instant that this was the Big Brother house up ahead. They took us the back way behind the house so from our point of view it really just looked like another big TV studio, not like a house from our angle at all. But it's the BB house, and just knowing that fact I was enamoured with every bit of it. Hey, I knew what had gone on inside! It's the BB house right there in front of me, come on! I realized I was smiling pretty largely when I felt a small cramp creep up into both my cheekbones. I wished I had had someone, ANYONE to hug. I clung to funny elderly woman for a moment and shared her excitement. She held a small computer printed sign that said "Janelle's our winner". How cool she was! I got my exitement hug with her for sure.

So they take us to the door where you enter the studio. Suddenly they stop all of us and ask us to wait on the side. It's then that the real grueling horror begins. It's then that we realize that they are still going to call numbers.

Horror turns star-struck when just then we see a herd of the former houseguests being tracked down the block and into the stage door. It was Marvin, Erica, Jack, Will, and Drew being led in the door we were told to wait by. Everyone screamed for Marvin and he just ate it up! He loved the crowd and gave a few hugs on his way in the door. Then someone in the crowd said, "Hey Drew is that you or your twin?" and Drew just kinda shrugged his shoulders at us and walked past. I never liked Drew all that much so I actually hoped it was his twin.

After five or six minutes of standing there the production assistant comes out and says to us, "Who is a party of one with the lowest number?" Turned out I was a party of one but holding the second highest number. No way was it going to be me. He waltzes in a red headed girl holding the number nine. The rest of us look at each other petrified that we aren't going to get in.

Just then we see Jason (BB3) come up past us going into an entirely different door than the stage door. He didn't even want to sit in the audience, he watched the show from the party room down below, and who knows who else was in there. Someone said they saw Scott (BB5), but I never did. Good thing too, you know I think he's a freak. Anyways when Jason passed us some of the girls were all "Hi Jason!", and he was really nice saying hello to everyone. Then he says to us (to the whole group in general) "Hey, who's going to win tonight?" Most of us screamed back Ivette believe it or not, some did say Maggie, but when Jason heard so many Ivettes he totally stopped in his tracks and says, "REALLY?" as if that just dumbfounded him. Shaking his head he walks away saying "I really think it's going to be Maggie, but who knows?" What a smile that kid has, he flirts with just his regular smile. He doesn't even have to flirt, it just comes out naturally. Jason was definitely a babe, a total hottie patottie bubbly babe-o-licious just brewing in babedom.

About six minutes later, the same production assistant comes out again. "I need numbers one through seventeen, numbers one through seventeen." People shuffle past me and in through the door and I realize the truth really is that I may not get in. By now it's just before 5:45pm. Suddenly a different assistant (a very bitchy teeny tiny weathered woman) comes out about one minute later and says, "I need eighteen and nineteen, numbers eighteen and nineteen only please!" It just so happened that Mr. Eighteen and Ms. Nineteen were there with their friend Ms. Twenty, but even though the group was together they wouldn't let Ms. Twenty in. Ms. Twenty waits with the rest of us and now it's 5:50 already.

Then, from the second floor of the building next door Julie Chen appeared from her dressing room and gracefully made her way down the stairs and across to the door where we were still being made to wait. As she first started coming down the stairs I noticed that she looked like a combination of a beauty contestant and a judge, meaning that they had put a cape over her outfit so that it wouldn't get any dust or dirt on it as she made her way over to the studio. She sauntered past us as we all said, "Hi Julie!" waving in glee and excitement. She smiled and said hello to us and inside she went. She was actually very nice.

So now it's nearly five minutes to Showtime, and the original production assistant comes out to address the last eight of us. "I'm going to need only six more of you, so are there two people who want to volunteer to sit out?" The only one to volunteer was Ms. Twenty, who was so completely discouraged that her friends were already seated inside without her. Since she couldn't sit with her friends she didn't want to go in at all. So that left seven of us. Nobody else volunteered. So the assistant tells us to come with him and instead of taking us inside the studio they take us down to the party room to wait until they need us. I don't quite understand but still I follow along with everyone else. What else can I do? I had number dang twenty three.

We get to the party room and the person guarding the door tells us that they won't let any of us inside unless we have a wristband. The production assistant is asked to take us back outside. So back we go to wait at the studio door. Just then we see the red light outside of the studio go on, and I know that it must be six and they are just now starting the show. This is the first moment I absolutely realize that they are not going to have a seat for me.

Outside, I'm DYING thinking why do they need six of us but they won't let us in? Suddenly the production assistant gets some instruction over his radio and he is told to take the seven of us into the Green Room to watch the show. They will call us from there when they need us. As we are walking over to the Green Room we find out that the six people that they need are to be used as 'seat-fillers' meaning when family members get up to congratulate the winner we need to take the seats of the family. But this also means that we would be watching most of the show from the Green Room instead of inside the studio, which admittedly was kind of a let-down. However, when we got to the Green Room it was loaded with snacks and drinks, plus inside the Green Room was the set decorator of the show and the jury coordinator, so while we were watching the show they were giving us a lot of the inside scoop.

"Wow, the jury conversation really flowed, good job!" To which the jury coordinator answered, "It was the longest three hours of my life, the editor did a fabulous job. I don't know how he made it look so good, he was brilliant."

"Who was your favorite houseguest?" To which both the set decorator and the jury coordinator answered, "Janelle by far. Everybody behind the production loves Janelle."... "Who was your least favorite?" The jury coordinator answered, "I love everybody, they're all nice, but uh, those sorority sisters can be a handful."

"Does the jury know about New Orleans?" The coordinator said that they don't really know what happened, they honestly don't tell them anything, but they can't help what they hear or see as they walk through the airports, since there are newspaper stands and people naturally talk. The jury had an inkling that there was a big storm in New Orleans, but not one of them had any real idea of the massive destruction that had come upon the gulf area. Then they told us that if someone had a family member who'd been hurt or killed by the storm then they would have taken them aside and told them, and then tell all of the players of the tragedy. They referenced Monica of BB2 who was in the house during September 11th. Monica actually had a cousin who was lost that day at the World Trade Center. They did decide to tell the three remaining houseguests about September 11th, Monica amongst them. Then they took Monica aside and told her about her cousin. But in the case of Katrina nobody's family was directly affected, so they decided to let that remain a secret.

Then the coordinator told us that they also had to keep reminding the jury members that they were not allowed to talk about the game while in the jury house, so they wouldn't let any two of them walk away together or have any private conversations. They all had to be monitored the entire time they were sequestered. Unless they were alone, someone was always in the room with them the whole time they were there.

When during the jury's conversation up in Napa Valley, and Rachel said that Ivette played like a piece of trash and that she was entitled to her own opinion, the set decorator said out loud, "what a jealous witch!" He said it so gay-like he cracked up the entire room.

Anyhow, so there we are in the Green Room and during the first commercial break (instead of commercials we saw a live camera feed of the Big Brother fish tank) I realized that I had to go to the bathroom. Badly. But I was afraid that they would call us and since they needed six and we had seven I thought that if I'm not there when we're called then I won't get in at all. I decide not to say anything and just hold it, but by 6:20pm and the second commerical break I am starting to cross my legs hard and wishing I had taken my bladder to obedience school. It didn't seem to be listening to me right then.

I couldn't help it. I had to go or else. I asked the production assistant if I could go to the bathroom and he said yes, but he had to escort me. Sure, whatever, lets go. So we leave the Green Room, walk down the hall, and go outside where he walks me over to the men's restroom. Ahh, relief.

Afterwards, we walk back over to the Green Room, and as we open the door to the hallway several people are there waiting to enter the studio. Among them in the crowded space are a line of Houseguests waiting to enter the studio. It's Ashlea, Michael, Kaysar, Sarah, and Eric. First person I saw was Michael, but suddenly I see Kaysar and realized I was just about to walk right past him. And OMG, his eyelashes were so long I thought when I passed him I might bump into them. I nodded and smiled at Kaysar and he returned the glance with his own subtle wink and nod. I walked as slow as I could past him so that I could take in every moment, tried to breath in deeply even, and after he acknowledged at me all I could think of was that Kaysar and I had just had eye contact. Total eye contact. It only took a second, but in my head that second lasted as long as the three awkward years you are made to be in junior high school. He was soooo tall and soooo good looking, and MAN did those eyelashes curl up far towards the sky. I'm surprised he doesn't get them caught in the ceiling fan when he's near one. Great looking guy. Too bad there was no time to exchange numbers and have grand children.

When we went through the door to the Green Room and left the hallway of houseguests I was excited enough to say out loud to the other impending seat fillers, "I just saw Kaysar!" Don't know why, but I didn't tell them about anyone else, only Kaysar, lol.

After sitting there for a second I realized how I completely missed Sarah, Ashlea, and Eric, even though I knew they were standing in the same hallway with me and everyone else. I literally have NO RECOLLECTION of seeing any of those three standing there although I know for fact that they were. I remember seeing Michael for a split-second, and then falling into Kaysar's world of batting eyelashes. He winked, he nodded and I knew that even if I didn't get into the studio later I was still going to go home somewhat fulfilled.

So we're in the Green Room and it's after 6:30 and the show is more than half over. I'm actually getting somewhat bothered that we aren't up in the studio yet and I am having very little faith that we will get to go in at all. I eat a cookie.

During the next commercial break the production assistant in charge of us gets a communication over his radio. He is told to bring up six of us. All seven of us stand up. Then he says to all of us, "I know this isn't fair but here is how it's going to work. I need the six people who are the smallest so that you can get into the seats quickly and easily." There happens to be one girl who is probably pushing 300 lbs. "I'm sorry Susan, but they won't be needing you." They did let her walk with us, but only as far as the studio door, they kept her in the hallway after they led us inside.

THEY FINALLY LED US INSIDE!

Our assistant takes us backstage and the six of us are led to the very right side of the audience, but behind the set. They lined us up next to the door and told us to be ready to enter quickly and take empty seats. Through the door I can see all the former houseguests sitting together, Erika, Jack, Marvin, Will, Drew and someone else who I recognized but wasn't sure of his name. As Julie Chen was pulling the keys out of the box I was watching those former HG's through the door checking out their reactions to the vote. From my vantage point I couldn't see the stage at all, only the audience. Suddenly I am reminded of my high school days and being in Play Production and while I watched the former Houseguests I realized what an elite little club that they are in. When I was watching them I remember thinking "why aren't I on this show already?... how come I haven't been acting at all?... what am I doing in my life?... when exactly will be 'my turn'?", and I actually got a bit forlorn for just a second.

But no time for reminiscent tears now, I pulled myself out of it the second Howie's key came out of the box and Maggie was announced as the winner. In that moment they told the family to go onstage and as they left they shuffled us straight into their seats. Being the first in line (that's where the assistant put me), I got the inside seat, the best seat of all of the seat-fillers.

So we run in just as Julie is saying "The Winner of BB6 is Maggie!" and immediately we all start in with applause. In this moment I am smiling GIANT because I am seeing Janelle for the very first time, and immediately felt excitement over that. So the crowd rises to their feet and I think there's a fifty-fifty shot of me getting a prominent shot on camera.

I didn't know for sure if I got on camera or not because I wasn't looking at the monitor during any of it. My eyes were fixed on the various houseguests. I was hoping that I had gotten on camera because I really wanted all my friends whom I told I'd be there, both the Tarded and the Untarded to see me there. From the Green Room earlier I hated thinking that so many people were watching for me and nobody was going to see me there. My mother doesn't even watch BB, but I knew she'd have it on. I wouldn't know for sure if the camera caught my face until I watched the show some three hours later.

I was sooooo excited to be sitting in the audience finally, and I did a lot of smiling and clapping. In fact when I got home later (directly after the show I went to Karen's house to watch it with her, since she was the one who got me the ticket and wasn't able to go herself I had to go over and tell her all about it) but after I got home John showed me on the tivo that just when Julie tells Ivette to go hug Tushie you see me clapping still, and I am the only one clapping. I literally am the only person still applauding. It's soooooo funny, you can even hear the slapping of my lone hands, it's really funny to me... what a geek!

After Ivette and Maggie walk out all the houseguests converge on the stage and start congratulating each other. Lots of hugs all around. I see Ivette run to her family and jump onto her father. Then she grabs her mother and I hear what Ivette is saying as she clings to her mom... "Mommy Mommy Mommy I'm so sorry Mommy I'm so sorry Mommy I'm so sorry Mommy" and started to cry into her mother's chest. Oh, I felt bad for her in that minute. Then I see her jump right over her Mother and grab Tushie kissing her and carrying her across the stage. "Tush, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

I'm surprised I'm going to say this, but Ivette was really really pretty. I was surprised how gorgeous I thought she was in person. Beautiful face. Maggie however, not so pretty. Not very pretty at all. Probably nice, but not pretty.

First thing I remember thinking when I saw them all hugging is that WOW all of them are like HUGE! I mean it seemed like they were all so tall and all of the men had huge arms, especially Michael and Eric. Ivette even had a bit of a jiggly butt, she wasn't necessarily thin-thin at all, and even Beau towered as he flit himself all over the stage. Kaysar, James and Michael might as well be basketball players. Rachel too had much thicker arms than I had thought, and I was pretty amazed by the gargatuan size that ALL the houseguests were. Shockingly it's no petite people allowed it seems. Jennifer however is short and fat as far as I'm concerned.

Janelle was bouncing all over the stage and I don't have to tell you how incredibly gorgeous she was. She was so beautiful, had the best butt and legs you ever saw, with that infectious smile that makes you just love love love her. In my head I can see her hanging on Michael and Howie and hugging Julie and congratulating Maggie and also hugging Ivette pretty sweetly. I see her take Ashlea's hands and the two of them jumping up and down. I watch her and Sarah hug and I believe Sarah said that she wishes Janelle had been in the final. I see her running over to Michael and agressively hugging him. I couldn't take my eyes of her, she was simply radiant. She didn't look at me once, but there she was, a literal five feet away from me. Janelle. I'm talking about Janelle!!

April, as much as she annoys me, is also so very very pretty. I mean just so beautiful in person. Such a pretty smile, you just want to hold her hand and share a cup of tea with her. Then she talks and you remember what an idiot she is. You remember that you actually want to drop that cup of tea on her lap. I vote her most annoying voice of the season.

Jennifer looks like a mishapen puppet to me. Her face has a triangle shape that now haunts me hopefully for not the rest of my life.

Eric is short. Stubby. Full of himself, but I know you already know that. He was the first one to hug both Maggie AND Ivette. I remember thinking that he has to console Ivette while he's actually STOKED that it's his partner Maggie who has just won the prize.

I saw Howie get a totally quick, fake, and unmeaningful hug from Ivette. She was pissed, and I think she was pissed in particular at him.

I saw James walk over to Kaysar and high five him, then go in for a hug. Then I saw the two of them almost passionately grabbing each other as they took that hug in deep. James buried his head in Kaysar's neck. I'm sure that the vision will provide me quite a little fantasy sometime in the near future.

I can picture Sarah not congratulating Maggie as April is trying desperately to hug and congratulate her. Sarah was smiling but you can see the disdain in her glare as she watches Maggie begin to recieve her glory. No hug from Sarah.

When the show was over they made us all stay there while the cast took some promotional pictures on stage with the audience all around them. We sat there for quite awhile watching this. It was during this that you really got to see the houseguests interacting with each other and WITHOUT a camera filiming them.

They crowded around and took group pictures and during this I was like touching distance away from James. It was in that moment that I noticed how incredddddddddibly large James' shoes were. I mean they must have been a size thirteen or fourteen, THEY WERE HUGE. James was also very tall, and I noticed that while he was skinny he was nicely built and funny that I thought for moment that even his neck had some girth. Yeah, my mind went right to a place where I wished he wasn't so overly republican. James really is very good looking, he really is. He kind of oozes his sex appeal. What a smile he has, you can see exactly why Sarah is so completely smitten with him. And she is. She'd hold his neck while he hugged her waist. If I grow my hair out and trim off that 'thick mustache' of mine I could look a lot like Sarah.

During this I see Rachel talking to Maggie saying that the two of them played a very similar game. I don't think Maggie cared too much, truth was they played a very different game because Maggie's game included $500,000.00.

Someone from the audience screamed to Howie, "You were a great jedi warrior!" Howie turned around and made the money signal with his fingers as he said "Not good enough!"

I saw Janelle plant a small kiss on Michael as he held her at her waist. She smiled and looked at him right in the eyes. I have no doubt that the two of them are going to take the first opportunity they have to get naked. No doubt in my mind at all.

I can picture Eric hugging Maggie and telling her how brilliant she is. I hear him say something to the effect of "I was glad it was you and not me, I was glad I got out early, that was much better for me." Yeah, right. He says that only because he was out, you know had he stayed he would have fought to the bitter end. Anyhow, I also saw him holding Ivette. I'm not sure exactly what they were saying but I'm sure I heard Ivette say 'I love you Cappy'. Tushie stood at the side smiling but I remember looking at her and thinking that I couldn't wait for her to tell Ivette that her obsession with Eric is really really strange and all of America knows it.

Finally, after the picture taking and the little bit of schmoozing was over, an assistant announced that it was time to empty the audience. "Everyone with a light-blue wristband is going to be taken out in sections, starting with this section first..." Just then all the VIP's who were going to the after party started to empty their seats. The Houseguests were all being ushered out as well. They got every light blue wristbander out of there before they allowed the green and the dark blue wristbanders (and the non-wristbanders such as myself) to stand up and leave the studio. They had a pre-plan and emptied the studio very methodically. When it was my time to leave I was trying to figure how to duck in and go back to that party room where I knew they all were going to be hanging out.

As we exited the studio door they forced us to go right and head ourselves in the direction of the parking lot. The party is to the left. I knew where it was just by being led down there before the show started, but I did know that there would be security looking at wristbands. Still, maybe I could just kind of walk by and catch a feel for the general excitement. So I exit the door and I do go right with everyone, but as I walk back past the BB house I kind of lag a bit and watch whats going on behind me. After walking around I find myself somewhat near the stairs that Julie Chen came down from her dressing room, when someone with tattoos and an earpiece asked me what color my wristband was. Not having a wristband at all I had to say, "I don't have one", and before he said anything else I turned around and walked back to where I was supposed to be going.

Walking back to my car I couldn't help but to feel like I wished I could stay. Some of those questions, "why aren't I acting, why don't I work here?" started to bake on my brain but that's all probably a good thing. I realize now that because I spent all that time in the Green Room and standing behind the set I was allowed to remember the feeling and the excitement of being behind the scenes of a big production. The lights, camera, action, all of that. The last time I was involved in a production of any something it was 1992. It's going to be fourteen years soon. Just because I now type 75 words a minute and do the ten key by touch doesn't mean that acting and writing won't always be in my blood. I mean, I do stand behind all the choices I've made in my life, it's just that I've realized that it might be high time that I go ahead and make another choice.

Who knows where life will take you! Anything could happen. To any of us. Maybe the twist next year will be members of a chatroom who only know each other online and we all will star in BB7 together. I know it's a longshot but as long as there's a small percentage of possiblity there will always be room left for hope and knowing that fact it's easy to realize that anything is possible.