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Back from commercial, we head to Loser Lodge in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico.
The former hamsters are shown gathering in an area to discuss who the next person joining them will be. This is one of the most obviously staged segments I've ever seen on Big Brother. Marvin appears to have been instructed to lead the group in a question and answer session. Marvin asks Will who he thinks the last person to join them is going to be. Will gives some vague answer, and does not mention any names. Suddenly Diane appears, and everyone hoots and hollers, (including me). Diane tells everyone that she knows they were hoping that it was Cowboy instead, then she runs to hug Will and the twins. Marvin tells Diane that he's never lit his cigar before, but since her ass was down there, he was going to fire it up. More hooting and hollering ensues.
Diane says they have a lot to talk about, and tells everyone that getting the boot was the biggest shock of her life. She says that it was all because of Drew and that he might pay the price for that. Marvin says "Well baby, I think you
got played like a spade", and I hear laughter from the crew. The hammies discuss the good and bad points of both Drew and Cowboy's strategy, as Marvin continues to feed them questions. Will comments that it's going to be a hard decision, and Diane, not one for original thought, follows-up with how hard of a decision it will be.
After the next break, Drew and Cowboy answer questions from the jury via closed circuit TV. Basically, Drew feels like he made more strategic moves and won more competitions, so he thinks he deserves the win. Cowboy lists three strategies that helped him get this far~ being a horseman, winning veto, and being himself, [retch]. He says that if he wins, he'd "love to start me a dude ranch", and blah blah Chasencakes. Marvin calls out Drew telling him that he remembered Drew calling Diane a "trailer chick" and that he was most attracted to Lorie. Marvin asked him if he felt it was okay to use and abuse someone else to get ahead in the game. Drew looks incredulous, and stammers something about how he didn't recall saying that and that he was looking forward to seeing Diane outside of the house and that he hopes she can put game AND personal aside, (which made me laugh, but not Diane). Marvin asks Cowboy if he's a racist liar or a lying racist. (The look on Will and Karen's faces here was priceless). Cowboy denies being either, of course, and would like to have a relationship with Marvin outside the game. Karen wanted to know why Drew couldn't have been honest with her. Drew says he regrets that. Nak wanted to know why Cowboy is spineless. He asks for her
forgiveness. Diane wanted to know why CB felt like he deserves to win the game. Whatever his answer was, it made Diane roll her eyes. Diane wanted to know why Drew's goodbye message to her didn't seem to be heartfelt, although Drew tries to assure her that it was. Yeesh. Is this over YET?

CB and Drew make their final plea for the money, and once the TV is turned off, the jury makes fun of their answers. I make fun of the jury.

After another commercial, Julie is in the studio and shows us a screen with Drew and CB sitting in the house. She asks them about the question and answer session with the jury. More stammering and yammering follows.

The jury enters the studio in a parade of bad fashion. They mug for the audience and Will trips on the stairs.[snicker] The crowd obviously favors Nak, because they cheer much louder when she appears.

After a much-needed commercial break, Julie welcomes the jury and tells them that they each have a bag with two keys. One by one, Julie calls them to the giant round key thingy to insert the key for their choice. They are each allowed to give a final statement to the remaining house guests.

Adria~ blah blah "hard decision"
Natalie~ blah blah "good luck"
Karen~ blah blah "I consider you both winners"
Marvin~ blah blah "nothing personal"
Diane~ blah blah "you both deserve to be there"
Nakomis~ blah blah "hard decision"
Will~ blah blah "hard decision"

The votes are in, and the reveal is "just moments away". Shut it, Julie, we've heard that before.
But first! we must be tortured with the reunion of the pre-jury evictees. Guh~ I thought the jury's fashion was bad. There are no words for this display of ugliness, which includes Mike, Lori, Scott, Jase and Holly. Julie comments
that this group is the most rowdy of all hamsters ever.
"Rowdy" isn't the adjective that I'd use to describe them.
"Horrid" might be more accurate.

Julie asks Jase, (who looks much like a drag queen gone wrong), how it felt to get evicted and then watch the show. Jase comments that he and Holly watched the show together, because they're "together now". He gives Marvin props, but rags on Will. Scott, sporting a (surprise!) mandana, is asked about how his relationship with Jase was ruined. Scott claims not to really know, but that any moves he made on Holly were completely strategic. He says he loves Jase and Holly and hopes they can be friends. Jase and Holly roll their eyes. Julie asks Marvin to mediate, and he tries his best to stay neutral. Julie asks Holly about her relationship with Diane. Holly, who's voice nearly triggers a seizure, says she was genuine and Diane was not. She says she doesn't want any type of friendship with her, but sympathized with how she got booted. The word "karma" is (over) used. Diane responds with more drivel.
Julie asks Mike what the jury should know. His main point is that Karen back stabbed everyone. Karen defends herself with more whine. Julie asks Scott if he was in an alliance. He admits that he was in the "four horsemen alliance", stressing the word "four", and looking directly at Marvin. The Santa Monica Van Boys was mentioned, as Marvin shifts uncomfortably, although he says he knew, (especially after Mike told him). Scott tells Marvin that he was a pawn.
Marvin says "you were too, you see where you're sittin'". Lori is called upon, and she tells everyone that she really missed them, (puh-lease!), and then calls out Marvin as the one who told the biggest lies about her in the house. She asserts that
she is not a paid actress, nor is she very, very rich. Marvin says it was just his way of getting her evicted. Julie says Mike probably knew the game better than anyone, and asks him who played the best game. He replies with some baloney about Diane.

Who will win Big Brother Five?

In a moment,(heh), I will return with the results.