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Chenbot is wearing black heels, black bellbottoms, a hot pink tank, and a black leather jacket. I'm sweating just looking at her. Chenbot rehashes the HOH comps for us. Alison and Jun now go head to head in the final HOH competition, which is going to be Squid Battle! Whose cuisine will reign supreme? Allez Cuisine! No, not really. But how cool would that be? More than likely Ali's dish would be about as appetizing as the shite Amy made for the Paradise Hotel boys. I'm imagining something with a Cheez Wiz connotation. Competition! Tonight! Live!

Rehash of Ali promising Robert a 99 percent chance that she will take him to the finals. Jun says in the DR that to be in Big Brother you have to be an extremely well rounded person. I should also note that they just showed Jun in an American flag bikini as she was bending over, and it's definitely an unflattering view of belly jellyrolls. She says you have to deal with people ten years older than you (montage of Jack talking to her), you have to pretend to listen to everyone's stories (Jun sitting in the hot tub, rolling her eyes while Ali talks), pretending to care (Ali prattles on something about her great-grandmother having five sets of twins, and Robert asks, "What do you mean five sets? In the same birth?" Of course, Robert! Women who give birth to twins always pop them both out at the same time! Vaginas are amazing!), be very smart, you have to know how to lie (Jun eavesdropping) with a straight face (Jun giving Jee a manicure, talking about needing to protect each other), you definitely have to hide a lot of your emotions (Dana blabbing as Jun licks a spoon), you have to be a strong competitor (Jun winning HOH), but not too strong (Jun screwing up duckball), there are a lot of things you need to succeed in the Big Brother game.

Ali in the DR says she's made it this far in Big Brother because she has done everything that she needed to do to get here. Jun gives Robert and manicure and says to Ali, "Dude, I think Nathan was falling in love with you. That's why he was even more pissed at the end because he feels like he got played" Ali says in DR that she has manipulated to the Final Three (shots of her grinding on Nathan's lap, Nathan taking her off the block). Ali tells Jun that she didn't lie to Nathan, she just led him on. Oh, puke. Ali in DR says she flirted her way to the Final Three (montage of her in bed with many people, her advances being rejected by many people), she has played both sides to get to the Final Three (Ali convincing Robert and Justin to not put her on the block), she says you might not really be sad but of someone needs you to be sad you gotta be sad, you have to be smart (Ali winning HOH comp), and in Big Brother everything changes so you have to be ready to adapt to anything, even a mime following you around the house for three hours.

Robert in DR says that maybe because he knows how to talk to people and listen to people, and he's the best at that, there's no one better in this game than him. Robert and Ali in the hallway, Robert tells Ali that if she throws him out, she will get second place. And he will make it that way, and he can make it that way. He's got Erika, he's got Dana, he's got Justin, and Jee, and him, and that's five. Robert in DR says he can sway the jury to vote any way he wants. Robert tells Ali that it's not like she and Jun, if he leaves the house, he has credibility, people love him, they will listen to him, if he is the last one out. But her wants her to think about it, that's one thing he's sure of, he's not sure about competition. I don't know. He prattles on, "But that, damn man, I am good at that. People listen to me." Robert in DR says that he told Ali basically that if he goes out of there and he's on the jury and Ali evicts him (evil shot of him picking his nose), then she will win second place against Jun.

Ali in DR says if she doesn't walk out with that five hundred thousand dollar check after everything she has put her mind and her body and her soul and her family through in this house she's going to be pretty pissed off. Robert in DR says Ali knows what she has to do. If she doesn't take him to the finals, than she's going to win second, automatically. If she does take him to the finals, she has a chance. Robert does not think he'll be evicted. He thinks he is staying for another week.

Robert talking to Jun in the kitchen. "The best chance for somebody to beat Ally in the final mental competition is you. Ali has nobody, I can get to Erika, I can get to Dana, I can get to Jee, Justin, Nathan, whatever." Robert in DR says he may be wrong, but he's never felt this good in this whole game. Robert in the kitchen says, "If you win and take her, you're gonna get second. That's the way I feel. If you win and take me, then I do believe you have a shot at first." Robert in DR says if these girls are smart, they'll do the right thing, and the right thing is to take him to the finals. Robert in kitchen says to Jun, "And the threat I've given you, I mean, it's real, but, that's all I have, that's all I have. I don't wanna do that. I wanna- you know what I mean, I mean, I'm just saying that's all I have." Huh? Wha-?

Jun in DR says Rob is definitely on a very high pedestal that he built himself and she thinks it is very rickety. She thinks it will fall at any time. Robert in the bathroom yells while punching his hands, "People do listen to me, people do love me, they know how I am. And I can do it, I have that power." Jun in DR says she definitely has a lot of options to which way as far as to whether she is going to take Robert or Ali to the finals with her. Robert in kitchen yells at Jun, "You know more about this game than anybody. You know where everybody is. Who got evicted, who didn't." Jun says, "She has memorized everything." "No, no, no, but see" "She has a photogenic memory!" "Even without me threatening you, if you took her, they would make you lose anyway." Jun in DR says her worst fear is that Robert and Alison have some sort of alliance. Ali in DR says she's going to ruin Jun in the next competition; the check is hers. Robert voiceovers that he doesn't know why, but he's really not stressing at all.

Chenbot checks in on the HGs. Julie asks Alison what she would say if Julie offered her the choice between another seventy-five days in the house or one day alone with Mimey. Everyone groans, and Alison says she would rather stay in the house for seventy-five more days. She says that you can double the profit though. Julie asks Jun about her parents, if she still feels that she won't have parents when she leaves the house. Jun says she thinks because she made it to this point, that she might be bringing some money home, they might take her back, but she thinks it is above and beyond anything they expected. She hopes they are proud of her more than ashamed of her. Julie asks Jun whether she has anything to say to her parents if they are watching tonight. Jun gets teary and says she loves them and she will see them soon. Aw. I am a bit weepy. Julie asks Robert why he thinks America loves him so much. Ha! He says he really has no idea, but what he thinks it is (defeating the no-idea thing) is that he is himself, he's not trying to be someone he's not (except when he said he was Tom Cruise's best friend or made out with Drew MoreBarry) and maybe people can connect to that. Julie smirks. Love Julie.

Chenbot now segues to a montage of Houseguest Stress, and how they all cope in different ways. Jun in DR says she is under tremendous stress. She says it was hard enough when this house was full of people scheming against you, but now that they're down to three and she knows that two other people want the five hundred thousand dollars just as much as she does, it is stressful. Jun and Robert in bed. Jun says it's almost over. Robert says he knows, and he knows how she feels. Jun in the kitchen eating. Ali in the DR says Jun is handling the stress by eating and she's put on weight. Jun can't fit in the clothes that she brought with her, and there is yet another unflattering bikini montage. Seriously, why didn't she just put on a one piece? Jun says she will always be a stress eater and she thinks she has gained at least fifteen pounds.

Ali says because of the stress, her skin is breaking out, and it's nasty. Ali says she has a week left in the house and she kind of realizes that she has to face the outside world again. Donnie might not care or appreciate some of the things she said and did, even if she comes back rich. Ali tells Jun she's scared to go home. Jun asks why. Ali says she doesn't want to face Donnie and Jun says she's the kind of the same way, she knows how Ali feels. Ali thinks Donnie might not want to face her, to talk to her, and that would not surprise her. Ali in DR says it kills her that there's that possibility that he out there, and he's moved on, and he is with somebody else right now.

Robert walks around the pool and voiceovers that the most stressful thing that he deals with every day is everything to do with his daughter because he's been gone for so long. At this point, he starts crying, and my kids (two boys, ten and eleven) start laughing, because they would love to see me go on television and try to win a half million dollars because they would be RICH at the end, and they'd see me on television all the time anyway. Robert says he thinks she is too young to understand what three months are. Well Robert, she's at least in first grade, and if she loves Christmas, I'm pretty damn sure she's seen a calendar and can count the fucking months. And if she doesn't know what three months are, you should think about teaching her instead of going out on the prowl every night looking for new bitch-slut-whores to fuck. Robert and Ali in the BY. Robert tells Ali he thinks it's going to be a lot of fun when they get out of there. Ali says Robert will get to talk to her daughter, and he says he's going to see her, to which Ali makes an aw noise. Robert in the DR, still weeping, says he like to hear every little thing that she does or thinks about or feels and she can't tell him, and that's sad. Robert outside says it's getting to the end, they're missing people more, Jun says she starts crying just thinking about it.

Jun in DR, crying, says every time she feels down and out and crying, Robert has kind of helped her to stop the tears. Robert says Jun is worried about Bob, that she doesn't know what's going to happen; if Bob fell in love with someone else, and that's tough, that's really tough. Jun in the hammock tells Robert she is scared to go home. She asks Robert what if Bob has moved on and she goes home thinking one thing. Jun in DR says that Bob broke up with her, and he did the best thing for both of them, even though it hurt like hell. Jun in hammock worries to Robert about what of she goes home to tell him how much she loves and it's not that way for him anymore. Robert tells Jun it's almost over, and it's going to be worth it. Jun in DR says she doesn't know what to expect once she's thrown back into what was once her life. Robert in DR says if he does win the money, he thinks his daughter will be so happy and all the time away that he spent from her, she'll understand why. Ali says she thinks the stress is worth five hundred thousand dollars. Jun says it will have been worth it once she walks out of this house with cash.

Back to Chenbot. What do the family and friends and love ones of the Final Three think of their actions in the house? First, Ali jumps rope while her father says she is in the finals because she is best bulldog in that house, and Ali's mother has a really strange profile and laughs into her husband's neck. As Jun sits around in her bikini and runs her fingers through her hair, her friend Nami says that Jun has made it this far because she's really intelligent.

Robert's father mumbles something and I have to read the closed captioning. Now I know where he gets the mumbling from. Robert's dad says Robert is one of the greatest in the world, and that's why he is in the final three, His dad says he thinks Robert made it this far because first of all he's been lucky, second, the Dream Team, that alliance was very good for him. Robert's mom says Justin was a very strong player, so was Jee, so she thinks they carry him through. She says she is very proud of him, how he is portrayed himself mostly. Bitch-slut-whore montage. Robert says as his father, he was shocked to hear Robert talk that way about ladies cause he never learned it from him. Oh, sure. His mom says she thinks he sometimes goes like a caged animal pacing up and down. Robert crying montage. His dad says he thinks Robert's biggest obstacle has been missing his daughter. His mom says it has been hard for Elena, they always try to keep her busy. Then we see his mom and Elena in a kitchen. His mom says they keep her entertained and try not to talk about Robert (because talking about reality is apparently bad). Elena says that even though she misses her daddy so much, he's still close to the end; she just wants him to win. Yeah, see, that's how my kids would be. So stop crying, Robert.

Jun's friend Nami says she thinks The Ex Factor helped Jun because she had an alliance with Jee that brought her pretty far in the game. Nami says that cooking is one of Jun's favorite things to do. Nami says it definitely helped her create bonds within the groups. Nami says to win in BB4, you definitely have to know how to play both sides of the fence. Nami says Jun and Alison played the game very similarly but she thinks Jun has a very good chance of winning.

Alison's dad says this game is made for her. Her mom is still sitting with that hideous profile and a neck wattle that only Richard Fish could love. Her dad says Ali is a beauty contestant, so she knows all about backstabbing Her mom says that because Ali was always competing, she's had to manipulate everyone. Her dad says she has an innate ability to tell the truth to a point, where somebody else comes up with the wrong conclusion. He thinks that she's still there, because she knows people, and because when the pressure is really on, he thinks she comes to the front. Her mom says that when Ali put her hand on that key during the ice ball HOH comp, there was no way that a girl that lives in western Pennsylvania was ever gonna let go of that key. Ali's dad says that with the flirting and some of the things that she's been doing, it's misperceived as being disingenuous. He thinks she was using what was one of the tools to get ahead in the game. Her dad says that Alison is the girl that America loves to hate, and he thinks they're wrong. Her mom says don't be surprised if their beauty queen is the next Miss Big Brother Four, and then I vomit in my mouth a little.

Nami says don't underestimate Jun because she has a few more recipes up her sleeve. Oy. Robert's mother screams that Alison and Jun should turn their backs on Robert because he's gonna come around and win the WHHHOOOOOOOOLE ENCHILADA! Ole!

HOH Comp. Ali and Jun sit on the orange chairs, while Robert spazzes in a chair behind them. The final round is called Exact Match. They are each able to spend some time getting reacquainted with their exes, through video clips. Julie says they went to the Jury House to conduct extensive interviews with Jee and Justin. Jun sighs, and Robert looks up at the ceiling, cackling and clapping his hands like Special Ed. Shut up, Robert. Julie will read a question each posed to Justin and Jee and the girls must answer how they think their ex responded by using a yes or no paddle. For every correct match, they get a point. After eight questions, the HG with the most points wins HOH.

Question one: Do you still find your ex attractive?

Ali says yes, Jun says no. Justin says no. Jee says no.

Question: Did you trust your ex in the game prior to your nomination?

Ali says yes, Jun says no. Justin says no. Jee says yes.

Question: Do you feel your ex had your back during the game?

Ali says no, Jun says no. Justin says yes. Jee says yes.

Question: Was your ex responsible for your breakup?

Ali says no. Jun says yes. Justin says no. Jee says no.

Question: Does your ex have a soul?

Ali says yes. Jun says yes. Justin says yes. Jee says yes. She was a bitch at times, but she also has a kind heart.

Question: Was your ex more in control of the house than you?

Ali says no. Jun says yes. Justin says no. Jee says yes.

Question: Were you better in bed than your ex?

Ali says no. Jun says yes. Justin says yes. Jee says yes, he was certainly better in bed.

Question: Outside of any Big Brother reunion, do you plan on calling or seeing your ex?

Ali says no, then yes, then no. Jun says yes. Justin says no. Jee says no.

It's a tie, so it's time for a tiebreaker question. The girls get dry-erase boards and markers. The answer to the tiebreaker question is going to be a number. The player who comes closest to the number without going over wins. If both players go over, then the number that is closest to the correct answer will determine the winner.

Question: How long in days did you and your ex date?

Ali says zero, Jun says one million. Justin says 210 days. Jee says 1700 days of hell.

Ali wins.

Jury House. Nathan says there are more people there now than there are in the Big Brother house. Justin says every day is like paradise, and he almost doesn't want to go home. Then we see Dana lying on a raft, and Justin flips her into the pool. Ugh. Skeevy montage of Justin and Dana walking on the beach and being in lurve. Dana says she and Justin have gotten really close, and in the light of the Puerto Vallartan sun, you can see the reflection of her sharp angry teeth. Also, Amy Fisher wants her hair back. Justin says they're kind of just taking it one day at a time, and in Boy Language, that means he is only using her as a fuck tool for the rest of the time in the house. Dana says who knows what's going to happen.

The evictees await their newest houseguest. Nathan gesticulates and shouts that he needs a woman. He hopes the newest evictee is a girl, please. The doors open, and in comes Erika with her tight jogging suit on. Aw. And just when I was certain I would never see it again! Everyone freaks out and Dana scaryteeths that she knew it was going to be Erika all along. Shut up, Dana. Erika descends the stairs and turns around yelling, "Someone take the knife out of my back!" Dana's all, "I knew it! I knew it! Oh, you too! I knew it!" Erika hugs Jack first, who is of course, elated to see her. Erika hugs Nathan, who then announces to the camera that she is his new bedmate. Nathan says he has a queen bed (heh), so they can share.

Then they all watch the tape of Erika's eviction. Julie asks Jun if she misses Jee, and he starts laughing. When she says she doesn't have anyone to pick on anymore, Jee yells an oh hell no. Then Jun totally burns him by saying he was good at throwing out the trash. Then there's the HOH comp when the HGs had to figure out who Nathan would say was the sexiest. Erika gets giddy recalling all of this. Nathan says having Erika around the house is definitely his eye candy. Erika is a sucker, and is sharing Nathan's bed. Then she shows us how Nathan wakes her up in the morning, and this is completely boring. Nathan says the highlight of the situation is that Erika does sleep in the nude, and he wants everyone to know that, and then he makes a weird laugh while sticking out his tongue. Dana ironically uses the word creeping, talking about the game coming to an end. She can't wait to get back into it and have a say in who gets the half million dollars. Shut up, Dana. Jack says he looks forward to the opportunity to talk to them and question them. Justin says it's good to have a bit of power again, Nathan says they control the fates of the others, Jee will make sure the right person walks out with that money, and I just want them all to shut up now.

Alison in HOH. Julie asks Ali if she thinks Jun threw the comp. Of course she does. Ali thinks even if Jun had one, she was in a safe position for eviction. Julie asks Ali without telling her if she's ready to make up her mind, and Ali coyly replies that her mind is made up.

Eviction ceremony. Robert tells Ali that he thinks throughout the whole game Ali has played with her heart and he trusts she is going to do the right thing with this decision, so he is leaving it up to her, either way, if he goes or not, he's fine. He still loves her no matter what. What? Jun smirks and tells Ali that she had a hard time trusting Ali as a person and that's changed because she's proven herself to be a strong player, so Jun trusts her that as a strong player in this game, she'll make the right decision, and she thinks that she and Ali have been underestimated by many of the males who left the house and she wants to prove the rest of them wrong.

Ali stands and says that it's been an honor and a privilege to be with both of them in the house, and that from the beginning of this game she has played strategically and not emotionally. And yesterday Robert gave her an ultimatum and told her that if she evicts him, not only will he not vote for her, he will make sure that no one else votes for her as well, and from what she understood, he did the same thing to Jun. She wants him to know that that is not why she is making the decision. She's not letting this get personal. She's basing it strategically, and that's because he's such a strong player. She says he's everything that this game was kind of meant for, he's been strong on one side of the house, he's been winning competitions, and he has the jury.

Robert tells the girls to walk him out, and Ali tries to squeeze out a tear. He goes back and gets hugs from them and tells them he loves them and will see them in a week. Robert goes to meet Chenbot.

Inside, the girls are laughing, hard. They talk about the comp, and how neither of them was really sure how their exes would answer. Jun says thank goodness it worked out the way it did, and Ali giggles that maybe Jun just didn't want Ali to win HOH. Jun says it's over, and they both look at the cameras and start cracking up again. Then Jun laughs, "He's out of this house!" and she and Ali start dancing and singing. Jun and Ali talk about her speech, and how she threw in something, and that she was harsh. Jun says Ali looked good.

Back in Chenbot land, she and Robert watch the girls. Julie says, "Wow, she just basically called you out for making threats to her. What do you think of that?" Robert says those threats were something that he had to do, so he doesn't regret saying that and he thinks Ali had her mind made up, either way. Julie asks him if his threats were serious or was he going to vote for the most worthy player. He says he is going to vote for the most worthy player. Julie coddles him and states that it was just strategy, then. Robert agrees and says it was a tactic that obviously didn't work. Julie says that Ali just cancelled that out in case he did go back to the jury anyway. Julie asks Robert why he let go in the snowstorm comp when Ali only promised to keep him with a ninety-nine percent chance. Robert says he would not have won that competition

Then the girls leave video messages for Robert. Jun says she thinks Robert tried too hard to turn the two bitches in the house against each other and it didn't work. Ali says that as much as she would love to be up there with Robert in the end, she wouldn't have a shot against him. She says he has no faults as far as she's concerned, and she thinks the world of him and thinks that he is an amazing man. Play on, Ali. Jun says she will miss his fidgeting, his sniffling, and his good mornings every time they woke up. Ali says she will miss his puppy dog eyes. Well, dogs don't actually have eyebrows, and neither does Robert, but that's about as close as that twain shall meet. Jun says she will never forget the supportive talks and the way he lent an ear to listen to what she had to say, and that's how she survived in the house. Ali thanks him for taking care of her and for being a friend. Julie asks Robert what he thinks of the goodbye messages, considering what he just heard in the house. He says he is surprised, but he believes the messages were genuine. He thought Jun would not miss him at all. He says Ali is a sweet girl.

Then Julie asks Robert what he would say if Elena is were there, and of course he gets all weepy and sniffly, and says he loves her and he's happy to be out of the house so he can see her and hold her. Then Chenbot tells Robert that his daughter is there tonight, and asks some random person to bring her in. Again with Robert and the weeping and the wailing, and La Pieta, etc. If I didn't hate him, this would be a touching moment. And that's all folks!